When I Stopped Trying To


Over the past month, I have had about five different people, in varying conversations and circumstances, share with me very similar messages. These messages all started out and sounded a little bit like this, “When I stopped trying to…”

When the first person shared this message, I was drawn even deeper into the conversation because this concept was very interesting to me. When the second and third person started to share this same message with me, I was like, “Okay, maybe I should start listening even more intently and become aware of the ways in which I need to work on this more in my life.” But then when the fourth and fifth people had spoken about this same concept, I was like, “Alright, God. Show and guide me to those deep places in my heart and soul. I need to work on these things even when it might be really tough and yucky to examine under a microscope.”

God continues to reveal on a daily basis one of those places deep in my heart. He wants me to keep examining things with this message in mind. I know very, very, very well I am not the only one who struggles to live out this message as a single person. Being a single woman is not easy for me (or others) to talk about because it feels like I’m “not living up to ‘society’s’ standard,” or “I wouldn’t want to burden someone else with the struggles I have as a single woman,” or “why does it feel like I’m not good enough for one of God’s greatest gifts (marriage),” and the list could go on.

I know I am guilty of letting these false and negative statements really start to take over my thinking and mindset on being a single person. I am guilty of letting this obsessively be on my mind at times, even to the point of pushing God over to the side a little bit, so I can handle it all on my own and take it into my control. At times, I am even guilty of letting some of the hurts I feel as a single woman effect some really great friendships and relationships.

Through recent prayer regarding this topic, I started to reflect on some of the statements which were shared regarding this message. Some of them include:
“When I stopped trying to prove and impress…”
“When I stopped trying to be someone I’m not…”
“When I stopped trying to create my own happiness…”
“When I stopped trying to be someone’s savior…”
“When I stopped trying to so desperately and constantly seek out something and over-analyze…”

When relating these statements back to how I am viewing my role as a single woman, I asked myself, “Am I living all of these out everyday?” Quick answer: Oh, heck no. But that doesn’t mean I sure can’t try. It’s going to be a daily and constant prayer to find the desire, will and strength to live out these and many other, “When I stopped trying to…” statements and messages. But I can’t do this on my own. We need Christ who alone, can provide the desire, will and strength for us. We can’t do that by ourselves. Or at least not in the way God wants for us and has for us.

I know this is not everyone’s situation but I want to ask you: where in your life is God trying to show you you don’t have to keep trying so hard? Whether you can absolutely relate to those five statements listed above or yours look a little differently, don’t give up hope that you can do this, through Christ. My prayer for you is that you remember you are not beyond help or hope in any of these areas. God transforms. He creates. He believes in you. Be encouraged by His abundant and unconditional love for you and for all of us.

Haley Brimmer, Director of Client Advocacy

Haley Brimmer

Director of Client Advocacy

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